Well, I'm 44 1/2 today and it was 24 years ago that I had an abortion. I always remember that such occurred on my 1/2 birthday. I'd have a 23 year old (son, I'm guessing) right now if I hadn't made that choice. I'm pro choice and pro life and at the time, it was the decision for me. However, it's somewhat ironic that later in my life, when I so wanted to have children, I couldn't find the man to do it with in a traditional relationship. So, I did it alone - at almost 40 years old.
I'm struggling a lot lately. Truth be told, I've been struggling for years and years -- probably 15 or so. Is it depression? Maybe. My middle sister swears that our Mom was depressed and in many ways, I am following in her path (more on that later.) I go through the motions. I even accomplish some things (like having a child on my own, adopting another and making a pretty significant geographic move) but I am not happy and I've forgotten how to be.
I definitely would benefit from therapy but don't have the time, money or inclination to start that right now. I refuse to even consider drugs. I have two small children, for goodness sake. So, like everyone else, I guess I'll try a blog. Ongoing stream of consciousness. Another opportunity for me to feel guilty that I'm not exercising, chronicling my childrens' lives, volunteering, preparing healthy food, reading, doing the Wii Fit (OK - maybe not so much that), etc.
More to come ... five year old calling ...
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