Ode to a Single Choice Mom

Listen, girlfriend. I'm sorry that your husband's had to travel for business a lot lately or that he owns a restaurant and works late hours.

Oh dearest -- I'm sure it's difficult to be separated or going through a divorce and you can bet that I wouldn't want that turmoil in my life or my kids' lives.

But ladies - you are NOT single mothers. The preponderance of articles, television vignettes, FaceBook posts, etc. where women are talking about feeling like single mothers because of the above and similar situations (where there is still a father/partner present or at least in the picture) just hands me a laugh.

HELLO!!!!! A single mother by choice doesn't have someone else to rely on for ANYTHING. Yes, the operative word there is "choice" but you know what that means? That means we get the exclusive on the expression "single mom" (as do women who got pregnant perhaps not by choice but still CHOSE to keep the child/ren and raise him/her/them without a father around.) Mothers with partners/husbands have help - be it financial, physical, emotional, etc. Yes, maybe some have it easier than others but try being responsible for your child(ren) 100% of the time - working, maintaining a home, "doing" all that entails to raise a child and trying to carve out a bit of time to take care of yourself (because if anything happens to you, what will happen to your children?)

Do I wish I had a partner/spouse? Sure - but that's not my beef in this case. My crusade is to have women having other than an ideal mothering experience (in their own minds) CEASE comparing themselves to single moms. If your husband works a lot, you're a MOTHER MARRIED TO A WORKER (let's say an MMTAW for short.) If you're separated or divorced (and even if you're the custodial parent), you're a DIVORCED MOTHER or a SEPARATED MOTHER (DM or SM). If you've a deadbeat spouse or partner who DOES NOT offer you or your child(ren) any support at all, I guess it might be appropriate to call you a single mom, but there'd have to be the whole initiation, apprentice period, etc.

Am I bitter? I don't think so. The best choice I ever made was to become a mother. However, I also think that my position as an SMC (or even SCM) puts me in a different "class."

So - stop your whining. And get your own acronym!