Hard nut to swallow

Yesterday, an old friend with whom my relationship has been disintegrating for some time accused me of harboring resentment. I'm not sure if he meant toward him, toward others, towards life, etc.

I responded that I don't think I'm resentful.

But then I thought about it overnight and also considered my relationship with my employees at work (more to follow).

And I realize, I'm not resentful. I'm ANGRY! I'M ANGRY!!!!!

I'm angry at the world, at many of my friends and family members but mostly, I'm angry at myself.

I've noticed my intolerance growing and the negative things that are constantly coming out of my lips and through my fingertips. I realize that I look at the world through a skewed lens. I'd even venture to say that my anger coupled with my high sensitivity has rendered me somewhat paranoid at times.

Several things to consider:
Why am I so angry?
What can I do to alleviate this anger and be more joyous?
How is this anger having an impact on my parenting my girls (and my other relationships - those that still remain?)
Is holding onto this emotion exacerbating my health and weight issues and causing new issues with my wellbeing?

When I try and drill down a bit on this, I think the root of my anger is feeling taken advantage of and less than cared for. Prior boyfriends, employers, employees, friends and family members have indeed probably "used" me to their benefit, but I have to absorb that I LET THAT HAPPEN. So maybe, it's less about being taken advantage of than it is ALLOWING myself to be taken advantage of. And why do I do that? Why do I accept less than I deserve? Is it because my mother stopped taking care of herself and then me when I was way too young? Why is my own sense of self worth so deflated that the opinions of others still matter a bit (although I will admit it's much less than when I was younger?) Why, when I assert myself and require respect, recognition, etc. (from say my employees), do I take on the persona of a bitch? (I might be branded as such but clearly don't need to absorb or accept the title.)

I have a lot of thinking but clearly, this all has to change so I don't erupt.